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From : felipetavares79
Added: Jun 13, 2009
Note at 0:29 that the maestro didn't like something. What was it? (a) one of the players missed the entrance; (b) one of the wind players failed to perform a long legato on account of being short of breath; (c) one of the players was making grimaces à la Jerry Lewis (and Karajan was more of a Peter Sellers fan); (d) one of the players chose a bad moment to show Karajan the Playboy magazine centerfold of the month; (e) maybe the moment wasn't that bad, but the Playboy Bunny in question resembled very much Hillary Clinton (and Karajan was more of a Sarah Palin guy); (f) one of the players doze off during the performance because he spent the previous night watching a marathon of 'LOST' on DVD instead of studying the score; (g) two of the players were having a heated debate in sign language over the existence of meaning in Alan Resnais' 'L'Année Dernière à Marienbad'; (h) one of the players was actually masturbating; (i) one of the players was holding a big placard of Obama (and Obama had a funny little moustache on it); (j) the placard actually showed Hitler (and Hitler was an upitty negro); (k) the player was Osama Bin Laden; (l) the player was actually porn star Jenna Jameson dressed up as Osama Bin Laden; (m) the player was Bin Laden's mother; (n) and Bin Laden's mother IS Jenna Jameson; (o) the player was Britney Spears hiding from paparazzi (but Karajan was probably much fonder of Jessica Simpson); (p) the player was in fact Chris Crocker and he was silently telling Karajan to "leave Britney ALONE!!!"; (q) in fact two of the players were masturbating (and Karajan probably allowed only one per concert); (r) one of the players opened a bottle of Pepsi during the concert (but should Karajan be sponsored by a drain unclogger, he'd probably go for Coca-Cola); (s) one of the players pointed a lit-up finger towards Karajan (but Karajan was never really into Spielberg sentimentality); (t) one of the players was in fact a CGI effect courtesy from George Lucas (but Karajan probably had no use for an Ewok in a concert hall); (u) the CGI was actually Darth Vader (but Karajan had had enough with Nazis, moustache EMO freaks and gangsta presidents); (v) Karajan actually wanted a black power helmet and a red light saber for himself (reason why he probably disliked Dick Cheney); (w) Karajan is Darth Vader (and the player was Mark Hammill volunteering for adoption); (x) Karajan's actually John Kennedy, the player is Lee Harvey Oswald and I'm Oliver Stone (and this is all a conspiracy involving the CIA, the Castro regime, the Italian mob and the Quaker Oats Company); (y) that's it: Jenna Jameson is Lee Harvey Oswald, Mark Hammill is Lee Harvey Oswald, even Lee Harvey Oswald is Lee Harvey Oswald, and this is a David Lynch film in which the part of Herbert von Karajan is played by Hailey Joel Osment with heavy make-up (and if Hailey Joel Osment gets to play Herbert von Karajan, it's sure as hell that Karajan sees dead people); (x) and Karajan probably saw the ghost of Heath Ledger, who - guess what? - also gets to be Lee Harvey Oswald in this film; (10) the player was actually Tom Cruise reprising his performance on Oprah (and Karajan never gave a rat's ass to Scientology euphoria); (9) let's say the entire wind section was masturbating (and Karajan didn't feel they should be applauded for something that he himself never was, even if dressed up as a penguin); (8) unless, of course, they were playing a Stockhausen version of Beethoven's violin concerto, with the inclusion of a new instrument (maybe not so new, but anyway no one should ever underestimate Stockhausen's talent for pushing the envelope); (7) actually there was no need for anyone to masturbate, because Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson were attending the concert, and they'd be more than willing to lend a hand (or a mouth); (6) the player was in fact Spike Lee protesting against the absence of nig... African-Americans in the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra (and since Karajan had no Magnum 44 on him at the moment, he settled for a milder Eastwoodian trait, which Mr Lee certainly took as Nazism); (5) the player was Elvis (but Karajan and only Karajan is the real king); (4) the player was Luca Brasi with a new message (that Beethoven sleeps with the fishes); (3) actually you're the player, Karajan's Chuck Norris and this is Michael Haneke's subtle way of saying you appreciate violence; (2) maybe two of the players missed the entrance (and Karajan thought it was not necessary to complain twice); (1) maybe nothing happened (but Karajan, skilled clairvoyant that he was, knew I'd come up with something anyway); (0) maybe Karajan farted (and decided to cover it by pretending he didnt like something).
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